The Twelve Days of Christmas: University Cutbacks Version, In Which The Radical Reflects On What Has Changed And What Remains The Same

On the first day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
A memo that was budgetary.

On the second day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Two cancelled searches,
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the third day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Three insurance hikes,
Two canceled searches,
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Four online courses,
Three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Seven students smoking,
Six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the eight day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Eight colleagues kvetching,
Seven students smoking, six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Nine parents calling,
Eight colleagues kvetching, seven students smoking, six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Ten adjuncts packing,
Nine parents calling, eight colleagues kvetching, seven students smoking, six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my provost gave to me:
Eleven hedge funds tanking
Ten adjuncts packing, nine parents calling, eight colleagues kvetching, seven students smoking, six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches
And a memo that was budgetary.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my provost gave to me:
Twelve trustees talking
Eleven hedge funds tanking,ten adjuncts packing, nine parents calling, eight colleagues kvetching, seven students smoking, six salaries shrinking,
Five dancing deans!
Four online courses, three insurance hikes, two cancelled searches,

(All with gusto now)

AND A MEMO THAT WAS BUDGETARY!