Monday, November 24, 2008

What Works For Christians Could Work For Academics Too

Pastor Ed Young of the Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas has been urging his flock to improve their emotional well-being by having more sex. In fact, last Sunday he instructed the married couples in his flock to have sex every day prior to coming to church yesterday. The economic downturn (read: Republican trainwreck), in addition to the ordinary problems couples have (adultery, PTSD, child-rearing, exhaustion, quiet and/or open rage, working two or three jobs) are causing people to lose the intimacy that is the key to a healthy marriage, Young argues. In the longer term, the Seven Days of Sex should cause couples to at least double the amount of intercourse they have and “move from whining about the economy to whoopee!”

Well yes indeed. Of course, Young is not the first Christian to suggest this. From Henry Ward Beecher's gospel of love through Marabel Morgan's advice in the Total Woman that women should try sexy tricks like greeting hubby at the door wrapped in Saran Wrap, Christians have emphasized the critical role of sexual intimacy within monogamous marriage. And if you were Henry Ward Beecher, not to mention a few fallen televangelists too, outside of marriage too!

But what about the neglected sex lives of the less devout? I suggest we academics jump on the band wagon too, and apply this concept to the American Historical Association Annual Meeting in New York City, January 2-5, 2009. I hereby command seven days of non-stop sexual activity prior to the meeting: we can drop the monogamous marriage part -- it won't be appropriate, politically correct or legally possible for everyone. This should put smiles on a few faces, shouldn't it? I'm thinking friendlier preliminary interviews, kinder comments at panels, maybe even a little graciousness toward that unfortunate fling-person you did at last year's meeting who turned out not to be in an open relationship after all, or who told everyone you knew that it didn't....really....work....out....so good.

Of course, you have to work up to Seven Days of Sex. So let's all start practicing now. And who knows? Could lead to higher grades for your students, as well as better faculty-administration relations, even in a budget-cutting environment.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

10 comments:

Tim Lacy said...

It figures that you go and make this suggestion for a meeting I can't attend. :(

Are you now the "Tenured Free-Love Radical"?! - TL

Anonymous said...

Oh, hell yeah! Thanks, TR, for this characteristically sage advice. Hubba hubba.

Susan said...

THen we can all be practicing homosexuals or heterosexuals. . . because practice makes perfect.

Tenured Radical said...

Susan:

That's how yo get to Carnegie Hall -- practice, practice, practice.

TR

Sisyphus said...

At first I read that sentence as proposing non-stop sex _at_ the AHA.

Shudder.

Anonymous said...

Since when does having sex seven days in a row *double* your amount? 3.5 times a week? Now *that* would be a....revelation.

Tenured Radical said...

anonymous 8.31:

Since when does having sex seven days in a row *double* your amount? 3.5 times a week? Now *that* would be a....revelation.

Re-read the paragraph -- and read my statement in context, you wet blanket. *You* definitely need to have more sex -- chastity is affecting your critical readng skills.

TR

human said...

At first I read that sentence as proposing non-stop sex _at_ the AHA.

Me too!! But you know, it could work. I mean, there are some cute historians who show up there.

Anonymous said...

OK fine you want to drop the marriage part but why drop the monogamous part, do you have a problem with monogamy TR? How about serial monogamy?

Tenured Radical said...

Who cares what I think about monogamy? Methinks I smell a troll.

TR